Between Romania and the Ukraine?

I've been assigned to Moldova, a country which I'm ashamed to say I knew nothing about except for that it was mentioned in "The Historian."

Assigned, accepted, then immediately put on legal hold. Seems I had some explaining to do about some youthful stupidity in my past.

If you let it, the application process for the Peace Corps will make you feel like the most unworthy person - almost dirty. Definitely naughty, and not eligible for presents or acceptance. I think I've been way more stressed out about getting in than I am about the whole idea of, say, pooping in an outhouse for two years.

This whole thing has happened so fast - applied November 1st, leaving February 24th... I have so much to do and think about.

Thankfully, I prefer to work under pressure. As long as I know, definitely, completely, 1oo% that they're not going to call me and say "psych!" I can get everything I need to do done.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Bombshell of a Lifetime

The Peace Corps got my medical stuff in on Monday, and by Wednesday I was cleared and I know that I'm getting an invitation. Holy Frack.

Apparently, I am one of the few, the proud, the less than 10% who can fill out a form because yes, all of my medical forms were done correctly and completely. I. Am. Special. And, I can read directions. I'm obviously perfect for the corps.

So all my friends will look and say "of course, we knew all along!" Bully for them, I was scared silly. And I still keep getting this feeling I'm going to get a phone call saying "whoops, we missed *this* part of your application, you so can't go.

I'm eligible for three dates, and depending on when things shake out, I'm definitely getting one of them. They're going to send the invitation to my sister's house because I'm going to be gone so long, and god only knows it would kill me to have to wait until after New Years to find out. I'll find out the day after Christmas. Nice present, eh?

I need so many things, I can't even contemplate.

Wishing and hoping and planning and dreaming

The complete inappropriateness of starting this blog at this time does not escape me. Most people like, wait to start a blog at least until they get accepted to the Peace Corps, right?

I can't help, however, feeling a great need to talk - to expel some of these fears and frustrations that I've been feeling the past few months. Then maybe when and if I do go, I can look back at this recorded trash and feel silly. And all my friends and family can look at this and roll their eyes, saying they knew all the time everything would be fine.

So, the Peace Corps. That bastion of good-deededness. Or something like that.

What's the interest that I have in joining? I've got a great life in a city I love, a great job. There is no good reason to leave my life.

Except.

I'm a map girl. I love maps. I used to spend an inordinate amount of time looking at globes, even naming my dolls after places (Ekaterina and Tehran were quite the couple)...

This past Thanksgiving I was at my friend Maggie's parent's house, and they owned one of those globes that shows where all the mountains and valleys and peaks in the world are, and I sat there and traced the outline of the earth's platonic structure, remembering all those places I'd always wanted to go.

When I was a teenager, I had this romantic ideal that I'd be able to take off and wing it, perhaps meeting some sinfully rich man to fund these grand adventures. Life doesn't work out like that, except for in those romance novels that I started reading way too young (thanks, my sister).

Now I'm 27, and I know it's stupid to say this, but damn close to 30. If I'm going to do this, I pretty much have to do it now. And I'm kind of ashamed to say I feel like I've got waay too much hope riding on it already.

I've already started to think - we'll, if I don't get in, I suppose I could go teach English or something for a year, right? But that's not what I see happening.

Usually things in my life have worked out the way that they're supposed to, so I suppose I'll just have to wait and see if this does the same thing.